NEED ADVICE
OKAY..SO HERE'S THE STORY:
MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS. WE SEEM TO GET ALONG VERY WELL AND HARDLY EVER FIGHT. WE PLANNED ON GETTING A HOUSE TOGETHER IN THE SPRING. SO, WE WERE STAYING AT EACH OTHERS PARENTS HOUSE. SO, IN JULY 2005, I GOT AN APARTMENT. HE LIVES WITH ME, BUT I PAY ALL THE BILLS, IN THE MEANTIME HE SAVES FOR OUR HOUSE. SO, HE JUST RECENTLY GOT IN TROUBLE AND CANNOT DRIVE. I GET UP EVERY MORNING A HOUR EARLY TO TAKE HIM TO WORK, AND THEN I WAIT FOR HIS CALL TO PICK HIM UP FROM WORK. I ALSO DRIVE HIM TO EVERY ALCOHOL CLASS HE HAS. I COOK, I CLEAN, ETC. WELL, IM ON THIS DIET, AND I AM TRYING TO DO THE BEST I CAN EXERCISING WITH NO EQUIPTMENT OR GYM. I FOUND THESE STRENGTH TRAINING EXERCISES IN A MAGAZINE. DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO HOLD A MAGAZINE, READ THE EXERCISE, AND DO THE EXERCISE?!?
SO, LAST NIGHT, AFTER I PICK HIM UP FROM WORK, DO HIS LAUNDRY, AND MAKE HIM DINNER, I ASK HIM IF HE WILL READ THE EXERCISE TO ME SO I CAN DO IT. HE SAID NO. OF COURSE, I THREW MY LITTLE FIT, THREW MY MAGAZINE DOWN, AND SLAMMED A BUNCH OF DOORS. SO HE GOT UP TOOK A SHOWER, GOT DRESSED AND LEFT. SAID HE WAS WALKING TO HIS DADS HOUSE AND WILL FIND HIS OWN RIDES. OF COURSE I CALL HIM APOLOGIZING, ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT I APOLOGIZED FOR, AND BEGGING HIM TO COME BACK. I FEEL LIKE A FAKE...BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID WRONG. I DO SO MUCH FOR HIM...AND I ENJOY DOING THOSE THINGS FOR HIM. IT SEEMS LIKE ANY LITTLE THING I ASK HIM TO DO, HE WOULD RATHER FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO/SHOULD HAVE DONE?
BY THE WAY, ZOEY IS HOME AND WELL. THE ONLY THING IS, SHE SMELLS DIFFERENT. LIKE A HOSPITAL.
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No offense but that just sounds unsupportive and if he's acting like that over something like this what will he do with the REALLY important stuff...not that your diet isn't important, it is, but you know what I mean, like financial issues, etc. |
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Yeah, I agree with Lisa. What exactly did you apologize to him for? It sounds as though he should've been apologizing to you. |
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You should tell him that getting a ride, doing his laundry, and cooking is his own problem. Don't take anymore guff from him...show him you're no doormat. This is the right thing to do. |
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If I tell him that, he just says, fine, I will. Thats the difference between him and I, I enjoy doing those things for him, and in return, I would expect him to enjoy helping me. Apparently thats not the case. Even last night, when he threw his little fit and left, I said, "Fine, leave, and don't come back" I even made him give me the key. So, I laid on the couch, had a cig, and started crying thinking "I don't want to be alone." So I called him and apologized and he came back. |
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That's the problem...he knows he's got you. There should be more of a reason to want him to come back other than "I dont want to be alone" As much as that feeling sucks it's NO reason to stay in a relationship. |
But you deserve a lot more respect than that|
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I know, and when I tell him I am feeling unappreciated, he turns around and tells me "Then don't do it." rather than a thank you. ARRRGGGHHHHH Men drive me crazy!!!!!!!!!! |
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Unfortunately it's a decision only you can make, without knowing the entire situation, just from what I've heard I think you should kick his ass to the curb because it sounds to me like you have more invested in it than he does, it sounds to me that he's got a free ride that he's taking advantage of..but again, I don't know. |
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Yep, I would give him the boot if I were you. You shouldn't have to do all that stuff for him and then get treated like that. |
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So, he does do things like take out the trash, work on my car, carry heavy things, etc. Since is can't drink, he drives my friends and I around drinking. He also buys a LOT of things for me. He just doesnt realize that there are other important things to me. I feel like I am making excuses for him, which is the case, but I definatly take your advice into consideration. I really needed to hear that from someone, that I shouldnt have to put up with that. |
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All the material things mean nothing if he isn't emotionally supportive. Kick him to the curb. |
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I've been married almost twenty years to my second husband. My first husband was just like your boyfriend. I stayed with him for three years and those were the worst three years of my life. You can expect his behavior to get worse; you are acting like his mother when you do everything for him. What makes you think that you can't get someone else that you will love even more and he will love you back and do things for you and with you? I'm sorry, but this guy sounds like a big loser; don't waste your life like I did and I paid for it by being a single mother who couldn't even afford to buy shoes for her child; my parents had to do it. I eventually finished my education and got a wonderful job... what do you really want to do with your life? What are your dreams? Where does this guy fit in? You really can find happiness and it sounds like this guy is one of those learning experiences we all have before we find the person who is out there waiting for you. |
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I grew up with a very abusive father (god bless his soul) so you think that I would not be blind to this. I am not ready to have kids, or get married. I financially can make it on my own right now. I know I don't need him, but I like having him around for now. If a better oppurtunity would arise, I would not hesitate. He is just a (sometimes) fun additive to my life right now. Thank you all for you advice!!! |
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There will be a moment, and it's going to come soon, where you're going to be faced with making a choice. The question is, do you continue what your father started by staying with a person who marginalizes your feelings? Or do you kick him out, get out of the relationship, and find somebody who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve? You might believe you'll be able to get him to change the way he acts towards you, but change comes from the opposite - his - end. It won't happen soon enough for the two of you, if it happens at all. He sounds comfortable enough where he is, so why should he? You've made the relationship your life, your plans for the future are embedded in it, as well as your heart. It's going to hurt to sever your ties...it's going to break your heart. But you have the power and strength to get through it. You're a strong woman: you take care of yourself and your home while simultaneously being a mother to your boyfriend. I believe you can do it, and if you want to be happy, you should. |
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Well Andrew, I at least have to wait 2 months, because he buys me beer!!! I am definatly taking your guys advice into consideration. Thank you!!!!!!!|
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thank you. i have been thinking that. like, when i say something about paying all the bills, he says, "im saving for "our house" so......what happens if "our house" never happens????????????????? good point typing2u!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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I am a little late in this conversation but I think that you should start by stopping doing the little things for him. For example: stop doing his laundry. Then ask for his help in paying the bills. Okay so he is trying to save for a house for you guys. He can still help with the bills (it should be an equal share. He is living with you so he should be helping with the bills. It is not fair to you that he is basically living there for free. If he cares for you in the slightest he should be helping financially.) He is getting free rides to where every he is going. Does the man even say thank you? Does he offer to pay for gas? Make him make dinner one night. It is not fair to you to have to do all the housework. If you cook make him clean. Only fair right? Try sitting him down and explain your feelings. Don't demand that he start helping with things. Bills are a good example. The cleaning around the apartment. As far as helping you with your exercises, he should be supporting you in your weightloss endevor. Which may include take some time out his schedule and reading a little for you. Love is all about compromises |
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he made a big deal out of nothing he should be saying sorry to you instead of marching out on you about him not wanting to read a magazine to you |
