spill my guts

So, I am bored and I feel like feeling sorry for myself--and let you people in to the realm of my life. 

My older brother was 5 when I was born.  We have the same dad, but he was in and out of jail for the first years of our life.  We were pretty much out on the street in Denver, CO.  My moms mom lived here in Lincoln, NE, so we moved here. 

When I was about 6 my mom met this man *Eric.  He was an alcoholic.  A raging abusive alcoholic.  When he was sober (maybe 1 day out of the month)  he was a very nice man.  I know that he had a big heart.  My mom got pregnant by this man.  She ended up having twins.  They are now 10. 

*Eric could not read or write, but he became my daddy.  He taught me how to ride a bike.  He taught me how to fix a flat tire.   I taught him how to read. I can remember the nights they would scream and yell.  A lot of the times it would be because I forgot to unload the dishwasher.  I had to take the twins down in my room to protect them from him, from the monster.  He had broken her hand and her nose at one point in time.  I remember the nights I had to call 911 because I was afraid for my moms life.  If he saw that I was on the phone, he would procede  to tell me that he would kill him self if I did.  He was in and out of jail for his twins lives.  I remember the day that I started walking home from elementary school and there was a police baracade around my home (which was a block from my school).  My whole school knew that my daddy did drugs and held my mom and little brother and sister hostage in our so called home.  I am telling you all of this so you can understand what went on then.

My daddy died March, 2005.  Nyla's daddy died.  Skylers daddy died.  He had a dog named scooby.  Scoobys daddy died.  My moms husband died.  My mom is a widow.  Nyla and Skyler are 10. 

*Eric was extremely drunk the night he died.  He fell out of the pine tree in our back yard, and died.  He climbed up because he thought the cops were coming to get him.  Me and my mom and little brother and sister watched him fall and die.  It has been devastating for our family.

Things of course, have calmed down in the home, and I moved out.  I got my own place.  My little brother and sister continue to treat my mom like *Eric did though.  They hit her, and kick her, and call her names.  They are 10 mind you.  I was there last night, and my little sister threw a pen full force in my moms face.  I don't know what to do.  It seems like we have tried everything.  Whenever we punish them, they cry and say how much they miss their daddy.  It is hard to punish a 10 year old that just lost their father.  But this behavior can not continue.  It seems like they miss the comotion and problems *Eric brought on and they are trying to recreate them.  My mom is at wits ends.  I am very worried.  Of course, I am the only one that can help,as I have issues of my own about *Eric.  I moved out and started my life ie full time job, apartment, and part time school, and they make me feel like I abandoned them in a time of need.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!